Sometimes there are no answers.
Sometimes it’s best not to ask why.
Sometimes nothing makes sense and you just try your best to stay sane and strong.
Sometimes when you are on vacation, having the time of your life with with people you love, you hear the saddest of news, and you are simply silenced because nothing you can say will take away the pain of the moment.
I am in Sayulita, Mexico with Rick, John, and Jenna. We are enjoying every minute of our stay here. It is a pure joy getting to know my future niece Jenna, seeing John and Jenna so in love, being with Rick and about to celebrate 25 years of being with him which is coming up in April 2013 ( and our 20th wedding anniversary coming up in August 2013). We are relaxed and I have lots of time to check Facebook every day. Yesterday I checked Facebook and, just a few hours after it happened, learned that my dear cousin Ignazio Bonsignore died suddenly of a heart attack in Grotte, Sicily.
Death comes to us all eventually, but why to Ignazio now when he was just 35 years old, father to 3 year old Rosario and about to be a father again in 5 weeks? Why did he suddenly collapse while enjoying a meal with his wife Laura? He was holding little Rosario, just put him down, and then he collapsed. One moment kissing his boy, laughing with his wife, enjoying a meal, next minute, gone. Why, when he was healthy without a hint of any heart condition? How?
I Skyped my relatives in Sicily yesterday and it was heartbreaking to see everyone so broken up, in complete shock. My computer screen filled with grown men crying buckets of tears. And we all sat in our Mexican casa, thousands of miles away, with no words, unable to hold the people I love, unable to comfort them.
Ignazio is my first cousin Pina’s son. I cannot imagine her pain. I cannot imagine what it will be like for Laura to give birth to her second child in February without Ignazio there to welcome the child in his arms. I cannot imagine what it will be like for her to raise her two children without the guidance of their father. I am comforted to know I have a huge family of cousins and uncles and aunts in Grotte who will be an endless source of love and comfort for Laura, her children, and to Ignazio’s mother, Pina.
To comfort myself, I imagine Laura’s children will have a spiritual father to guide them along life’s path. I like to imagine that my cousin Ignazio, who was as pure as a human being could be, was called to a higher spiritual state of being early in life for reasons that my little earthly mind could not fathom. I like to think that the little bambino or bambina Laura will give birth to will continue to carve out the circle of life and carry his/her father’s lovely spirit and serve to make this world a better place.